


The Anatomy of Desire

by redmorningstar



Series: Anatomy of Desire [1]
Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Azure Moon Route, Emotional Sex, F/M, Feels, First Time, Fluff, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, Hand Jobs, Jealousy, Lack of Communication, Misunderstandings, Oral Sex, Porn with Feelings, Possessive Behavior, Post-Time Skip, Romance, Semi-Public Sex, Sex, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-14
Updated: 2020-01-09
Packaged: 2021-02-25 05:54:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,490
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21791167
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/redmorningstar/pseuds/redmorningstar
Summary: “You. That is what I want." Byleth found herself cringing at her own bluntness. No one had ever prepared her for this. How didanyoneever survive it? "As I said, it need not change things between us," she quickly reassured him.“I will be honest, that was not what I expected you to say.” There was a moment of prolonged agony as Dimitri contemplated her confession, an unreadable expression on his face. “That said, I would not mind,” he said slowly, carefully, “if things changed between us." There was a pause as the words sat between them, heavy with possibility. He continued, hesitantly, "I am by no means experienced, but I could be your lover if that is what you wish."-Dimitri and Byleth learn what it is to be lovers, one fumbling step at a time.
Relationships: Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd/My Unit | Byleth
Series: Anatomy of Desire [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1689073
Comments: 68
Kudos: 710





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Part one is the emotional setup to 6k of smut... Explicit scenes to come in the next two parts. ;)  
> Comments and kudos are ♥

Byleth thought she was catching an illness of some kind. It was the only thing she could think of that would account for her erratic temperature, her feverish skin, and her palms that grew clammy without rhyme or reason. Naturally, she sought out Manuela for a diagnosis; she wasn’t expecting the other woman to laugh quite so heartily in her face, however.

“Oh my dear Professor,” she said between giggles, “the condition you are suffering is quite severe, though not uncommon. All of us go through it.”

“What is it?” Byleth asked, curious about this common ailment she had somehow contracted.

“Desire, my dear. Lust. Or love. Hard to say without further evidence,” she responded, matter-of-factly.

“Is there a cure?” Manuela laughed again, until she realised the earnest nature of the question.

“Oh, you’re being serious? I mean, there _is_ just the usual way.” At Byleth’s blank look, Manuela elaborated, “start a relationship and consummate your feelings with the object of your desire. _Sex_.”

“I see. That’s not something I know anything about.” Father had told her nothing of this. No one had been close enough for it to come up. She might have appreciated his guidance at a time like this. Then again, considering her father’s tendency to procrastinate with uncomfortable topics, perhaps he wouldn’t have been much help at all. Manuela, on the other hand, was aghast.

"You mean, you've never…?"

“Is that a bad thing?” She asked, unsure. Manuela shook her head.

“No, not at all. Just surprising, that’s all. Pretty thing like you, I’m sure you would have had your pick of men or women.” Byleth shrugged. If anyone had shown an interest, she certainly hadn’t noticed. Before coming to the monastery, she had cared for little other than her father and fighting. It was not an exaggeration to say that there had _been_ little else. Manuela continued, “I mean, you don’t _have_ to have sex. With time, your feelings may fade or change.” Her expression took a bitter turn. “Which is just as well, really. Love is not a game for the faint-hearted.”

“So what do you suggest I do?” She was willing to trust the older woman’s experience in these matters. Though she hadn’t been the luckiest in love, at least she knew _something_ of it.

“Well, here’s my first piece of advice. Let’s find out who may be prompting these, uh, symptoms for you. Once we know _that_ , then I can help you decide on a course of treatment. How does that sound?” Byleth nodded. Yes, that was what she needed. As always, more information made for safer tactics. And once she knew her enemy, then she could decide how to eliminate it.

-

On Manuela’s advice Byleth began to monitor for these “attacks” however, the moment she set her mind to it there was a distinct absence of them. Training with Felix and Sylvain didn’t incite one, nor did singing with Dorothea, or cooking with Ashe. It was surprisingly tiring to remain hyper-aware of her feelings at all times only to find nothing. On the other hand, she began to notice symptoms of desire among her friends and comrades. They had all been together for so long, it only made sense for their bonds to occasionally cross into something deeper. A lingering look. A clasp of hands. A secret kiss. She hadn’t meant to see such things, but just that moment of intimacy had been enough to make her skin feel tight with a mix of embarrassment and curiosity.

All while this was happening, she wondered how Dimitri was faring. He was away from the monastery to take care of urgent business in Fhirdiad. Initially, she had planned to go with him, but they had agreed that it would be best for her to remain at Garreg Mach to make decisions if the Empire moved unexpectedly. Even so, she could not help her thoughts from gathering upon him whenever there was an idle moment. She wondered if he ever plagued by emotions like lust and desire. If he was, he did not show it. He was genial to all those that approached, showing no distinct favour that she could recall. However, as he admitted to her openly long ago, he was not always the best at expressing himself. Perhaps he, too, held some secret regard that she could not discern.

Byleth put the thought out of her mind. It did not feel… comfortable to dwell on it. At any rate, she needed to focus. After all, it was her own emotions she needed to examine, not Dimitri’s.

Eventually Byleth found herself easing her hypervigilant examination. It had been so long between attacks that she wondered if her feelings had passed, just as Manuela had predicted. Presently she felt more relaxed than she had in days. Mercedes and Annette had invited her to sit in the sunshine with them while they practised some needlework and it was an easy invitation to accept; needlework kept the hands busy but the mind free for other things. Moreover, it was an excuse to sit with her friends in the garden, enjoying sweet treats and conversation.

“You’re in a good mood today, Professor,” Mercedes commented.

“Am I?”

“Yes, you were smiling to yourself. Did something good happen?” Before she could answer, Annette piped up confidently.

“Oh, I know! It’s because His Highness is returning today, right? You must have been worried about him.” Mercedes turned to her with a smile.

“Is that right, Professor?” Byleth considered this. It was true, Dimitri and Dedue would be returning today. Admittedly, it would do much to balm the gnawing feeling in her stomach to see them home safe.

“I suppose so,” she responded. Annette and Mercedes shared a look which she could not decipher, but whatever passed between them made them giggle. "What?”

"Oh, nothing," said Annette with a teasing smile. Before she could consider it, they were interrupted by the arrival of Ashe, out-of-breath from having run to them with haste.

“Professor! His Highness and Dedue have returned. I thought you’d want to know as soon as possible,” he managed between breaths. Byleth felt her spirits lift even further. She stood up immediately, her needlework quite forgotten.

“Thank you, Ashe.” She turned to Annette and Mercedes, apologetic. “Excuse me, I-”

“It’s okay, Professor, don’t mind us. Go welcome him home,” Mercedes told her with a warm smile. Welcome him home, yes, that was what she wanted to do. With a nod, she left her former students and crossed the monastery with quick steps. When she arrived in the entrance hall, she caught sight of him from the top of the stair. His armour was dusty from the road and there was a weary set to his shoulders, but he still managed a smile for the soldiers and comrades who welcomed him back. Relief flooded her to see him home, whole and alive, but there was another feeling too. He looked up, meeting her eyes from across the entrance hall. The slow, sweet smile he sent her way ignited something in the pit of her stomach. Time slowed. She could feel a flush burning her cheeks, her hands growing clammy, her breath was coming faster, and Manuela's words ringing in her ears: _Desire, my dear._

The realisation shook her and yet, of course, it was _him_ , as if anyone else could make her feel like this. Her heart was in her throat; if they spoke, she was certain she would reveal too much. She wasn’t ready to face it. It was all she could do to turn on her heel, walking back the way she came to put as much distance between them, and all the feelings that had risen up within her, as possible.

-

Manuela had taken one look at Byleth’s stricken face and ushered her inside before shutting the door to the infirmary. “Sit down. I’ll make us some tea.” Byleth sank into a chair with a shaky sigh as the other woman prepared the brew. After a moment, Manuela set a cup of fragrant ginger tea down in front of her. “So I take it you have found the source of your desire?” Byleth nodded mutely. “You don’t need to tell me _who_ it is, though I could hazard a guess. Not to worry, your secret is safe with me.” 

“I don’t know what to do,” Byleth admitted. She stared into the depths of her teacup, unused to having so little control over her emotions. Dimitri’s face kept coming into her mind, unbidden.

“Well, let’s start with the basics.” Manuela took a sip of her own tea and hummed thoughtfully. “So. Relationships. There’s always a measure of risk to these things. Physically _and_ emotionally.” She began to list the points on her fingers. “The physical stuff is fairly straightforward. Know your boundaries and communicate them clearly with the other person. When you can do that, sex is fun. And remember you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to, got it?” Byleth nodded, absorbing the other woman’s words as she might at one of her seminars. It struck her that this probably wasn’t the first time Manuela had had this conversation at Garreg Mach.

“Yes, I understand. What else should I know?”

“Emotions on the other hand…” Manuela grimaced. “Feelings are complicated. Messy. One might say they cause all the problems. Love and lust can often be mistaken for one another, especially in the beginning. The trick is that one will last a lifetime and the other… won’t. You’ll grow sick of each other, resentful, and soon you won’t even look at one another when you are in the same room.” She sighed bitterly. “Honestly as someone who has yet to find a good man in my life, I’m probably not the best to give advice in this area.” Byleth shook her head.

“I need all the help I can get.”

“Whether you choose to have sex or not, it’s probably best for you to have this just in case.” Manuela handed her a small gold pendant on a thin chain. Etched into the surface was a magical rune she did not recognise.

“What’s this?” 

“It's a charm to ward you against becoming pregnant until you want to be. Children are all well and good, but perhaps now isn’t the best time or place for it. Just wear it tucked under your clothing and you won’t have to worry,” she reassured her. It was a wise precaution. She put it on as she was bid, feeling a slight tingle when it pressed against her skin, then nothing. Finally, Manuela took her hands in her own, meeting her eyes with a serious expression. “I can’t tell you what the best choice is. You never know how these things will go, after all. My suggestion is to ask yourself what you really want… and what you would regret. You might find yourself closer to an answer then." What she really wanted? Byleth would have to think long and hard to find what lay at the heart of it all. She drew a deep breath. 

“Thank you, Manuela.”

“Anytime, Professor.”

-

Byleth could not hide from him for long. Dimitri found her later on the second floor of the library, sequestered in a dark corner, hoping to remain undisturbed until her feelings passed or at least she knew what to do with them. He had bathed and changed out of his armour, his hair dripping wet onto his shirt, making it stick to his broad shoulders. Byleth tried not to stare. It was unfairly distracting. 

"You left so quickly before that I did not have the chance to speak with you."

"Yes.” There was a pause. Why was it so hard to remember how to act normally around him? “Sorry. Welcome back, Dimitri. I'm glad to see you safe." The words, though heartfelt, were stiff and wooden in her mouth.

"I am glad to be back." The silence extended between them, unusually awkward. Dimitri cleared his throat hesitantly. "Forgive my bluntness, but you seem… off. Are you well?" He reached out to place a hand on her shoulder, obviously concerned however, that knowledge did nothing to reassure her treacherous body. She flinched at the touch of his warm hand without thinking. Dimitri let his hand fall, surprised by the violence of her action. There were no words she could use to explain the storm of feelings running through her. 

She _wanted_. Sothis save her. No, in fact, leave Sothis out of it, she would have simply laughed herself sick and been no help at all.

“Professor, I must apologise for my undue familiarity. It has been so long since we have seen each other, that I…" He shook his head, clearly regretful. "Sorry, that’s no excuse. Please, Professor, accept my deepest apologies.” He drew his hands away, folding them in his lap in contrition and she _hated_ it, the sight of him withdrawing from her, after all they had been through. It was wrong, all wrong for him to be blaming himself for her uncontrollable feelings.

“Dimitri, you don’t need to apologise. I’m the one at fault.” She hesitated, struggling to find the words to explain. "Recently, I find myself wanting certain things from you. Things I can’t ask for. But it will pass. I won’t let it get in the way of our friendship.” Dimitri looked puzzled.

“You can ask anything of me. I have said it before, I am with you until the bitter end," he said earnestly and she knew he meant it, despite the fact that he could hardly anticipate what she could want. Now that she recognised her desire for him, she didn't know how she could face him, day upon day, as they had before. She already had done a poor job of disguising it so far. Perhaps the sooner she was honest with him, the sooner she could be refused. She could let her feelings die and then they could return to a semblance of normality, not this frustrated and awkward interplay.

“You. That is what I want." Byleth found herself cringing at her own bluntness. No one had ever prepared her for this. How did _anyone_ ever survive it? "As I said, it need not change things between us," she quickly reassured him.

“I will be honest, that was not what I expected you to say.” There was a moment of prolonged agony as Dimitri contemplated her confession, an unreadable expression on his face. “That said, I would not mind,” he said slowly, carefully, “if things changed between us." There was a pause as the words sat between them, heavy with possibility. He continued, hesitantly, "I am by no means experienced, but I could be your lover if that is what you wish."

Lover. Goddess, even the word was unfamiliar to Byleth, much less the details of it all. At least from the sound of it, Dimitri was no more equipped to deal in this realm than she. In a sense… they could learn together.

 _And would it be so terrible to know?_ Said the little voice in her head. 

She thought back to Manuela's words. What did she _want_? Her world had changed since coming to the monastery and expanded so much beyond the fighting that had defined her early life. For the first time, she had friends and close companions to confide in. They had opened their hearts to her and in doing so, she had felt so _much_ since coming here: joy and sorrow, excitement and sadness, and all things in between. And Dimitri… he had been by her side through all of it. He had helped her smile, he had guided her when she had lost her father, he had shown her both darkness and light. Would she regret it? To not have him would mean to keep the door closed, never knowing what lay beyond. In her heart of hearts, she did not want it to stop there. She wanted _more_. Even if it could not be forever, she could have him for now and maybe that would be enough.

"All right," she said, her voice breaking slightly over the words. A brief expression of relief crossed Dimitri's face, but it was quickly hidden again behind a stoic expression. He nodded curtly, business-like, as if they had just agreed to spar together rather than… whatever this was. 

"I will leave it with you. Come to my room whenever you wish.” His tone softened in a way she had not heard before. “I will be waiting." Then he turned on his heel and left, leaving her alone with her burning thoughts.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Annnnd... the explicit scenes, as promised ;)
> 
> As ever, comments and kudos are ♥ .

Dimitri's door was at the end of the hall. The distance from her room to his had never seemed so long before. She had been there many times before to discuss strategy and pour over reports, but of course never for this. Byleth waited until after the midnight bell to make the journey and even then she felt conspicuous and exposed like anyone could look at her and _know_. Her stomach was fluttering with nerves as she knocked gently on his door. It opened and there he was, his broad shoulders outlined by candlelight. Without a word, he stepped aside to let her in and closed the door behind her.

As she stood in front of him there was a moment of tense awkwardness. They were here and yet, where to start? Should she say something? If so, then what? Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed his hand tremble slightly. Somehow it comforted her, to know that she was not the only nervous one. It seemed only logical then for her to step forward and take his hands in hers. That, at least, was familiar enough. Dimitri was her dearest friend, her comrade in arms; she knew him.

 _Kiss him, you fool_ , spoke the voice inside her head, impatient.

A kiss then, the first between them. Byleth drew him down to her with more confidence than she felt. As they kissed one of his hands reached up to cradle her face while the other settled on her hip, fingertips pressed to the exposed skin there. They continued kissing, over and over, until her pulse was racing and the fire in the pit of her belly spread to her whole body. From there it was easier to follow the demands of her desire. She pulled at the hem of his shirt, and after a moment of hesitation, he helped her pull it over his head. He did not shy from her touch as her hands brushed over his scars and body both; instead, she felt him shiver under her inspection.

Dimitri kissed the column of her throat, the scratch of his stubble making her body respond to a degree that shocked her. She knew that light touch would not be enough, not nearly; she needed his hands on her _skin_. With his help, Byleth removed her clothes and underclothes. He was looking at her with dark eyes, his pupils blown wide with desire. She imagined she looked much the same. His warm calloused hand cupped her breast, circling her areola with a tentative thumb, watching with curiosity as her flesh puckered and raised. His mouth was next, exploring the sensitive flesh of her breasts under his lips and tongue. It felt _good_ , like her nerves had been opened, everything sensitive and reactive. She pulled on his hair, just a little. Dimitri hissed, but not out of pain.

He moved them over to the bed until they fell together onto it, tangled. He buried his face in the curve of her neck. "I need to touch you,” he said, desperately, “please, tell me how to touch you." Words were not her strong suit. Instead, Byleth took his hand in hers and guided it down between her legs, to the part of her that _ached_. She began to stroke herself using his fingers, showing him how to touch her, how much pressure, and where. His fingers were thicker than her own and when he pressed inside her, just two of his own was enough to _feel_ it. It was so different from touching herself, another thing entirely to share it with another person, to have Dimitri be the one to affect her in this way. Her body was on fire, consumed by sensation, all because of _him_. She buried her face in his shoulder as she came, shaking with the force of it as he held her, kissing her mouth, her cheeks, her eyelids.

"Seeing you like this… you're a marvel, do you know that?" Dimitri said, his voice full of wonder. Byleth couldn't make her voice work to respond. He was hard, she could feel the curve of him heavy and flushed pressed against her hip. With unsteady hands, she unlaced his breeches until she could wrap her hand around him, though she could not close around him completely. 

"Like this?" She asked, stroking him tentatively. His throat bobbed as he swallowed. She pressed a kiss to his neck, entranced. She wanted to be good for him, just as he had been to her. 

"Firmer, ah, please." She tightened her grip, as she might hold the hilt of a sword. Dimitri swore; he hardly ever did that. It made her feel powerful to know that with the stroke of her hand she could make him lose control, just a little _._ She continued to touch him, fascinated by the feel of him in her hand, his expressions, his reactions. It wasn't long before he was spilling over her hand, warm and wet.

The look on his face. _Goddess_. That was what this was all about.

-

Her symptoms worsened if anything else. Now she knew what it was like to _have_ him, it was all she could think about. But Byleth knew she wasn't the only one. It was in the way Dimitri looked at her from across a room, with a hunger that mirrored her own; _once_ was not enough.

Instead, it became their routine: after the late evening bell she would travel the short distance from her room to his and they would spend the nighttime hours learning what it was to be lovers. Last night he had put his mouth on her for the first time and it had taken all her will not to cry out lest the whole dormitory hear her. She had tried to return the favour, with passable results. He had hardly complained, quite the opposite in fact, but she knew she would be better prepared next time.

Byleth winced at the clatter of her sword hitting the floor as Felix knocked it out of her hand for the second time that session. The glare he gave her was pure exasperation. "You’re distracted. What's wrong with you?"

She was thinking about… The line of his hips under her hands. The taste of him on her tongue. The noise he made last night when he came.

"Sorry. It's nothing," she said.

"Leave the Professor alone. She hasn’t been sleeping much lately, you know," Sylvain quipped from the sidelines. He was there, not to train of course, but to needle and badger Felix whenever the opportunity presented itself. As usual, it worked far too easily. Felix’s glare diverted itself to his friend.

“And how the hell would you know that?” He demanded.

“Sylvain,” she began warningly, half terrified about what he might say. Sylvain winked at her playfully.

“I’m just good at reading people.” Felix shook his head, disgusted.

“Whatever.” He turned back to Byleth with a scowl. “I can’t believe I’m the one telling _you_ this but pay attention this time.” Byleth picked up her training sword once more and drew a deep breath. There would be a time and place to think of Dimitri. Later.

“Alright Felix, let the lesson begin.”

-

"Tell me if I hurt you." Dimitri was watching her closely, looking carefully at her reactions, but underneath all of it, she could sense his nervousness. Manuela had warned her that it was often painful the first time, and yet to have a part of him inside her, as close as two beings could be, it seemed a small price. She nodded before drawing him to her for a kiss, a reassurance.

"I'm ready," she told him. Dimitri nodded. He settled between her legs, aligning himself before finally, _finally_ pressing inside her with care. He had done his best to prepare her with his fingers and his tongue, but it still felt tight, impossibly so; Goddess he was big, bigger than his fingers, and she wondered if she could take all of him. 

"Wait," she murmured and he did, giving her a moment to adjust to the feel of him. It did hurt a little to be stretched further than before, but it also felt satisfying to be filled where once she had been empty. She nodded. Then, just a little deeper, and…

 _There_. His hips were flush with hers with no space left between them. She could feel everything - his body trembling, her walls fluttering around him. He began to move, shakily, and as they rocked together it began to feel good, then _more_ than good. Byleth could not stifle the sound that escaped her as he thrust deeper, touching something within her that made her toes curl and her back arch from the bed.

Dimitri pressed a messy kiss to the corner of her mouth. "You feel-" His voice cracked on words, overwhelmed, wrecked. "Incredible." His hands were running over her skin, almost frantic, his control fraying at the ends. She could not blame him, understood how he felt completely because at that moment there was nothing in her head but him, him, _him_ and even still she wanted _more_.

-

Byleth was about to slip out and go to Dimitri's room when there was a knock at her door. She opened the door with curiosity, surprised that anyone would call on her this late. It was Dedue standing outside, his face impassive. He gave a short bow.

"Professor."

"Dedue," she remarked with some surprise, "what do you need?"

"I would appreciate if you would take this to His Highness. I had little time to prepare the tea blend until this evening and I know that he has run out." He handed her a small cloth pouch that smelled of chamomile and mint.

"Ah, yes, he ran out last night," she responded before she could stop herself. Dedue did not appear surprised by her slip, though she doubted she could discern it from his stoic face. “Thank you. I’ll bring it to him straight away.”

"Yes." There was a moment of silence as there often was between them and Byleth had no idea how to fill it. Considering how closely Dedue monitored Dimitri's movements, he must have noticed their... relationship already. Was the fact that he had not said anything meant he approved, or perhaps that he did not care?

“I assume you know about us?”

“Yes.” She hesitated, wondering if she dare ask. Perhaps it should not matter to her what anyone should think of it, but this was not just _anyone_ , this was Dedue, the friend whom Dimitri cherished and loved.

“Do you have concerns? If you do, I would hear them.” She waited, bracing herself for his potential disapproval, or worse. Instead, he shook his head.

“I have no concerns. You have His Highness' interests at heart. Same as I,” he responded simply. She supposed that was true as they had always been aligned in their desire to keep Dimitri from harm. Even so, she felt relieved to hear the assurance from Dedue directly. "If there's nothing else?" Byleth shook her head. Dedue bowed again before retreating to his room next to hers and shutting the door quietly.

Tea in hand, she walked to Dimitri’s room. When she arrived he was at his desk, deep in thought. He looked up at her with a smile when she entered. “Byleth,” he said warmly, and she still wasn’t used to it, how nice it felt to hear him say her name. He took one of her hands into his own, his expression apologetic. "Apologies, I have one more report to finish then I shall be all yours." She shook her head.

"You don't need to apologise. It's the report from the House Goneril, isn't it?" He nodded.

"Yes. I wanted to read over it once more before the war council tomorrow." Byleth touched his brow with a gentle hand; she was quickly growing fond of this casual affection between them.

“Take your time, Dimitri.” He smiled and kissed her hand before returning to his reading. She took a moment to refill Dimitri’s store of tea before sitting on the bed. It would be their last night at the monastery for a while; tomorrow they would march onward to the next battle. Just the thought of being on the road again made her feel tired. She lay down, meaning only to rest while she waited for him, but amongst the sheets that smelled like both of them, she soon felt her eyelids growing heavy.

Byleth woke sometime later to a light touch on her hair. She opened her eyes to see Dimitri sitting on the edge of the bed beside her. He had changed, obviously preparing for sleep himself, but hadn’t climbed under the covers. Probably because she was there, taking up all the space in it. _Oh_.

“Sorry. I'm more tired than I thought.” She hadn’t meant to fall asleep, especially when she had come here tonight for an entirely different purpose. Though she hated the thought of leaving Dimitri’s warm bed and walking the cold corridor back to her room, there was hardly any reasonable excuse for her to remain. “I should go,” she said, reluctantly. She made a move to sit up however, Dimitri’s warm and steady hand on her shoulder stopped her.

“It’s fine,” he reassured her, “you can stay, if you like.” Byleth blinked, a little surprised. She had never stayed with him without the preamble of lovemaking before. Even so, judging by his gentle expression, he didn’t appear bothered by her presence. 

“If you are sure…” Dimitri chuckled quietly.

“I am not foolish enough to throw a beautiful woman like you out of my bed,” he responded, teasingly. Byleth was too tired to question or read more into his allowance. Perhaps it was just an extension of what they already had between them… whatever that was.

“Then I’ll stay,” she said, yawning, already eager to return to rest. She lay back down, shuffling aside to make room for him. It did not take her long to return to sleep, warmed by his body next to hers, a comfortable and now familiar weight.

Some indeterminable time later, Byleth's eyes flew open, suddenly awake in the darkness. There had been a noise, a muffled cry in the night. Dimitri sat up next to her, skin sweat-slicked and breathing laboured, a fine tremble reverberating across his body.

"A nightmare?" She lay a hand on his back; after a few deep breaths, his shoulders began to relax as the fight left him. He nodded mutely. "Dimitri…" She wanted to see his face, to know that he was truly fine, but he had still not turned to look at her. All she could see was the line of his back, tense with misery.

"I’m sorry. I make a poor bedmate. I thought I could keep it from disrupting you, but I suppose this was bound to happen sooner or later," he said, wretchedly. She sat up next to him.

“I don’t mind,” she told him, honestly, but at his frustrated tone, she wondered if perhaps that had been the wrong thing to say.

“You _should_ mind,” he told her, anguished, “I am a loathsome wretch. If only my spirit was not so weak, then I-”

“Dimitri,” she said, cutting off the direction of his thoughts, knowing they would not lead anywhere good. She put her arm around him to pull him closer and he went, unresisting. She wanted to ease that heartbroken look from his face but hardly knew where to start.

"You can go if you wish. I would not blame you," he said, tonelessly.

“I want to stay with you.” Byleth pressed a kiss to his hair, featherlight. Tucked in her arms, he sighed. They stayed like that for a long time, her arms around him and his head resting against her neck, until she felt his breath slow and heartbeat soften once more.

Eventually, he said, "You make everything better. I do not know how, but you do."

"I haven't done anything," she objected. Dimitri pulled back to look at her before tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear, very softly. Something in his eyes made her pause, made her pulse hammer in her throat. He shook his head before leaning forward to kiss her, slow and sweet. When he drew back, whatever expression had been in his eyes was carefully folded back up again. More than anything, Byleth wanted to know the name of it.

-

There were rumours. In a place as large as Garreg Mach, there always would be. It had never bothered Byleth before, but _this_ she could not get out of her head. She had come to the garden to take her tea and get some fresh air while reviewing the day's reports. She hadn't accounted for the group of women gossiping a few tables down from her. She tried to block out their words and focus on her work, but the moment she heard them mention Dimitri, all hope of that vanished.

“Ilse, I can't _believe_ you are the bedmate of the _King_ ," said a woman, her excitement obvious. Byleth thought she recognised the voice as one of the kitchen staff.

"You _must_ tell us what he is like. Don't spare any details,” implored another. There was a light laugh, sweet as honey.

“He is as you would expect. A generous lover. Very kind and courteous.” Then, more hushed, but still loud enough for Byleth to hear, “but honestly, he's _insatiable_. And things he has asked of me, you wouldn't even _believe_ it…" The woman, Ilse she presumed, trailed off.

"Don't just leave it there!" The women laughed as Byleth felt the nib of her quill snap under her clenched fingers. There was a sudden hush as they finally noticed her presence.

“Shhh, that’s the Archbishop over there! What is she overhears?”

"You're right. We wouldn't want to shock her _delicate sensibilities_." The women tittered, their words indistinct as they moved out of earshot.

It was… such a silly thing, but their words cut Byleth as deeply than any sword wound. Try as she might, she could not stop the thorn of self-doubt from working its way into her heart. It was made exponentially worse when she saw Ilse again that night, but this time in the hallway outside Dimitri’s room. She really was quite lovely, especially the way her blonde her hair shone in the candlelight. With her standing at the king’s side, they would make quite a striking pair, Byleth thought to herself with a pang.

Ilsa knocked on Dimitri’s door. The door opened and she went inside, closing the door behind her with complete confidence. It made Byleth feel sick to her stomach. She left as quickly as she came, trying not to imagine what might be happening behind that closed door.

It was Dimitri’s right to have other lovers. After all, they had set no parameters on their… relations. She knew it happened sometimes, Sylvain being the most obvious example of this, and yet the thought of another person being with Dimitri, in the ways she had known… It was more than she could stand. In the days following, Byleth avoided being alone with him where she could. Sometimes she could feel his eyes on her, burning with a question she did not want to answer. The nights were long and fitful without him, her mind restless with uneasy thoughts, but she reminded herself it was better than the alternative.

Looking inward, Byleth found her heart was dark with possessive desire. She wanted nothing more than to selfishly hold him beyond the reach of all others, to have him look only at _her_ and no one else. The depth of her emotions frightened her. She did not want him to see how deep her greed ran, certain he would be disgusted if he knew.

But Byleth could not avoid him forever. They still had to work and train together, after all. It was after one such gruelling session that she was forced to face him; she hadn’t realised how late it was until they were the only two left in the training hall.

“We should end it here,” she said, finally. Dimitri nodded, his face impassive as it had been through their whole session.

“A good idea.” They began to pack the equipment away in silence, doffing their armour and returning their arms to the rack. The silence stretched between them, the air tense with words unsaid. It was the first time they had been alone together in days. Sitting next to one another in the training hall, Byleth did not know what she _could_ say that would not reveal her awful nature. Dimitri began to sand the haft of his training lance, smoothing away the splinters with a practised hand. Finally, he broke the silence. “Has your curiosity been satisfied, Professor?” He asked, his tone carefully neutral. “You have not visited me for several days. I can understand if you have grown weary of it.” When she glanced at him, he was not looking at her but remained focused on his work, his expression blank. The truth crowded her throat, begging to be released, but she squashed it down.

Instead, she said, “I realised that I have been taking much of your time lately. I thought it best to give you some distance.” Even to her own ears the excuse sounded flimsy, barely scratching the surface of the matter. 

"I… do not understand what that means," he said, slowly.

"I don't want to distract you from… more important matters," she said, and it was not the truth, nowhere near it. In the near silence, the sound of Dimitri’s lance splintering beneath his white-knuckled grip was as loud as thunder. She glanced at him, startled. When he spoke again, his voice was low and furious.

“Do not spare my feelings. Please... I beg you, if you want to end it, then say so.” The sight of the bitter, self-loathing look on his face twisted the insides of her gut. She might have expected his anger to be directed at her, but for him to blame himself was worse. Byleth clenched her fists in her lap. The words felt like razors in her mouth, but she forced herself to speak them anyway.

“I hate the thought of anyone else touching you,” she said, at last, painfully. Dimitri’s expression gave way to confusion.

“What?”

“I want you for myself. Selfishly. That is hardly fair upon you, considering.” His eyes narrowed.

“Considering what?” He asked, dangerously. Goddess, she _wished_ he would not make her say it out loud.

“Your other lovers,” she said, finally, feeling sick once more. She forced herself to go on, “you are welcome to that, of course. We made no promises to be with only one another, but when I think of you with anyone else… I can’t stand it.” Byleth was embarrassed to even face him; she could not help but wonder how pathetic she must sound, so afraid of losing something that was never hers.

“I am at a loss. How could you possibly believe that anyone else compares to you? You are-” Dimitri cut himself off, running a hand through his hair in frustration. “There have always been such rumours, often perpetuated by those who felt it garnered them some power to be associated with me. I assure you, nothing could be further from the truth.” His blue eyes were piercing as they looked at her. “Let me make it clear, Byleth. There is no one else I want in my bed. I care for no one but you.” He closed his eye, his expression suddenly pained as he asked, shakily, “do you want the same? Or perhaps there is another with whom you wish to-”

“No! There is no one else,” Byleth assured him, quietly horrified at the thought. She had gotten it wrong, completely and utterly _wrong_ , and she had never been more grateful. However, her gratitude soon gave way to regret at her doubt in him and that her presumptions had caused both of them such pain. “I’m sorry,” she said, ashamed, “I assumed too much and caused us both misery for it.” Dimitri did not answer her. Instead, he put the spear aside and stood, rising to his full height in front of her, an imposing sight.

“You said you want me for yourself. If that is true, then I ask the same of you. If that is what you want, then I will not hold back any longer.” His words were deliberate, unwavering; she knew that to agree would be to change things between them, treading further into that unknown space. The thought did not fill her with fear; in her mind, there was only one answer.

“Yes, you are the only one I want, Dimitri,” she said, without hesitation.

“Then let me make it clear to you how much I desire you, so you have no reason to doubt.” Dimitri knelt and kissed her then, bruisingly hard, and in his kiss she could taste his desperation and hunger. Every thought of him she had smothered over the past days was rushing to the fore, setting her blood aflame. It had been too long and she had missed him _fiercely_. Already his fingers were hooking around her waistband, drawing them down her thighs with urgency. When she went to reach for his own breeches, he pinned her wrists in his hands, holding them away from him.

"No. Let me do this," he said, a request with the steel of a command. She did not refuse him; she was wet, impossibly so, and she _wanted_. Dimitri spread her legs and the first touch of his tongue was perfect. Anyone could have walked in and seen the sight of the king of Faerghus on his knees and in that moment, she would not have cared because then they would know, without doubt or question, that he was _hers_.

There was something filthy in the way that she was barely unclothed and yet his head was between her legs, licking her raw and relentless, until she was squirming, until she thought she might burst out of her skin from it. She remembered his words from before: _I can understand if you are weary of it._ Goddess, she was not weary of it, of him, not even close. It did not take long until she came with such intensity that it left her trembling in the aftermath. For a few excruciating moments Dimitri continued, teasing the oversensitive parts of her sex in a way that was almost too much before eventually drawing back, relaxing his grip on her. He helped her stand on her shaky feet and pull her clothes back on before guiding her hand to the front of his breeches. There she could feel how hard he was. All for her.

“This is what you do to me. You are the only one who makes me feel this way.” He pressed a kiss to her mouth, the curve of her neck, her ear. “I am going to take you back to your room and make you come for me again,” he murmured, a dark promise in his voice. Byleth nodded with a shiver. There were bruises on her hips from his fingertips, she was sure of it. She would have to return the favour.


	3. Chapter 3

When Dimitri had said he would not hold back any longer, Byleth hadn’t known what he had meant then. It quickly became obvious that his desires ran deeper and more fiercely than he had shown her until now. Previously it had always been her to visit him and initiate their rendezvous, but it was not that way anymore. 

They were in a darkened corner of the upper floor library and if anyone came up the stairs, they would see them and _know_. Byleth braced her hands on the bookshelf, because if she didn't hold onto something she would collapse to the floor.

"Shh," said Dimitri's voice in her ear, more breath than sound. He was standing behind her, a line of heat at her back and his fingers were inside her, stroking her delicious and sweet but _not enough._

"Please," she asked because this was agony and if it went on much longer she would scream, damn any who would hear her. She bit back a whimper when he withdrew his fingers. She could feel him, heavy and hard behind her. He pushed her soaking underwear to the side and _there_ , yes, it was filthy and perfect and so, so good. He began to thrust shallowly, muffling his groans in her shoulder. Goddess help her, there were people downstairs, not ten metres away, and yet Dimitri was inside her, filling her up so well she could hardly breathe.

-

Manuela gave her a curious look over the rim of her teacup. "You seem better,” she noted. “More settled than before. I take it things are going well?" Byleth took a sip of tea as she considered all that had happened in the past months between herself and Dimitri.

"Yes," she said, finally. When she did not elaborate, Manuela sighed.

“ _And_...? Are you any closer to an answer?" She prompted. Byleth tried to put into words the feeling that had grown within her.

She said, hesitantly, "It feels… good to be with him. Not just physically, but in other ways, too. I like making him laugh. I like how he holds my hand sometimes when no one is looking. He steals the blankets every night, but I’d still rather share his bed than sleep alone.” These days her thoughts were consumed by him more than ever and yet it didn't feel invasive or distracting; it simply felt natural to include him. “I'm happy,” she said at last. Manuela looked at her and whatever she read on Byleth's face made her smile.

"You are, aren't you?" She said, shaking her head with a laugh. “Well, I’m thrilled for you Professor, though I can’t say that I’m not jealous. Now that I’ve helped _you_ find your man, surely you could spare some help for little old me?” Byleth shot Manuela a mischievous smile. She was by no means an expert, but she was certainly better at noticing that there were certainly _interested_ parties among her companions.

“I have some ideas,” she told her, lightly. The other woman leaned closer, her brown eyes intent.

“ _Do tell_.”

-

Byleth knelt to lay a wreath of flowers at her parents’ grave and brushed a gentle hand over the inscription of their names. They had lain Jeralt’s body to rest in the same plot of earth as her mother; at least they were together now, after so many years apart. As she stood there she remembered her father's words to her, searching them for a last bit of wisdom to make the coming days easier.

_I'm sorry. I'm going to have to leave you now…_

_One day, I hope you’ll give this ring to someone you love as well as I love her._

As always, her thoughts wandered to Dimitri. Even if they did both make it through, things would be different after the war. Whatever they had could no longer stay private, confined to the quiet nighttime hours between midnight and dawn. They would have to step into the light and Byleth feared what might become of them.

Dimitri would be King, with all the complications involved. He would have a duty to his Kingdom and she knew he would put that first above all. If it came to it, could she stand to let him go? Could she stand at a distance while he took another as his queen? It was not simply lust; in fact, from the beginning, it may never have been just that. She was in love with him and had been for a time longer than she even knew. She hadn't known then to call it love, but now it seemed so obvious.

Byleth took out her mother's wedding ring. Against her palm, the delicate band shone in the fading light of the sunset. When the war was over, she would ask.

-

Byleth followed Dimitri back to his tent, not caring who might see them at this point because tomorrow the world would be different, one way or another. The meeting with Edelgard had left a foul taste in her mouth; she could only imagine how Dimitri was feeling.

“Are you alright?” She asked once they were alone. Dimitri sighed, sounding tired and older than his years.

“Yes. I had hoped her answer might be different, but it did not surprise me. I'm certain nothing I could have said would have changed her mind," he admitted. Byleth was inclined to agree. She knew Edelgard would never yield; the look in her eyes had not changed since she had known her as a student.

"You did all that you could."

"Yes… I can accept that. Byleth, thank you for coming with me. Without you by my side, I would not have been able to face her." Dimitri turned to her, his expression brittle. "You must not die, do you understand me? Above all, that is something I cannot accept. If I lost you, I..." Those same fears existed within her, too; a world without him in it was not a world she could bear to imagine. Byleth reached for him and he went. His arms were too tight around her, almost painful, but she still held on. She would hold onto him for as long as she could.

Byleth kissed him then, a little hard, a little desperate, as she tried to communicate with touch what she couldn’t say with words. Dimitri exhaled, leaning into her with a hand threaded in her hair. She did not want to stop kissing him; she wanted to hold him, to keep his safe from harm with whatever power she could muster. She pressed her mouth to his neck to leave her mark on him, that he might wear something of her tomorrow in battle like a talisman; his groan was all the approval she needed. With care they began to undress each other as they had many times before: his hands unbuckling her dagger belt, her hands pushing the cloak from his shoulders until at last, they lay down close, skin on skin on skin.

By now their hands moved to touch instinctually; no words were needed. Byleth wrapped her legs around his hips to hold him close as her hands traced his ribs and chest so she could feel his heartbeat hammering beneath. Dimitri’s hands stroked the curve of her hips, the arch of her back, _lower_. She was already dripping wet when his fingers found her. Goddess, she wasn’t going to last long like this, her body too urgent, too hungry and yet she _wanted_ it to last, to stay on the precipice with him for as long as possible, that this night might never end. She pushed him to lay back and straddled him instead; she wanted to _see_ him and commit all of him to her memory. His face. His fingers. His eyes. His lips.

As Byleth took him inside her, easing herself down until their hips were flush, she thought to herself, _I will never feel this way for anyone but you._ She began to move with deliberate slowness, rocking her hips to take him deeper. As if sensing her need, Dimitri put a hand on her hip, steadying her uneven thrusts. “I’m here,” he said, and that was the only thing that mattered to Byleth, the only thing she ever wanted. With every push-pull, she could feel herself clenching tighter around him as she approached that edge of desire they had discovered together so many months ago. Dimitri leaned up on his forearms, reaching for her until he could press his lips and teeth against her breasts. “You have me,” he whispered against her skin. “You are so beautiful like this, I…” His hand reached up, curling around her neck to pull her close for a kiss. “Byleth,” he whispered, wrecked, and she could never get sick of this, the way he felt inside her, the fragile look on his face; she was ruined for anyone else for the rest of time. Byleth came with a shudder, shaking apart around him, the waves of desire making her tremble in the aftermath; it did not take long for Dimitri follow, spilling himself inside her, his arms holding tight across her back.

For a long moment, they stayed there, loathed to part and no sound in the tent but the sound of their breath. When she pulled back at last Dimitri was watching her again with that look on his face, so delicate and beautiful that it made the breath catch in her throat. "After all the times I have had you, it still does not feel like enough," he confessed.

"I know," she said, softly. Byleth let her fingers trace over his lips, the scar over his eye. Whatever they faced, whatever tomorrow would bring, she would not lose him. “This won’t be the last time.”

-

Things had been mad since the war had ended. The coronation was tomorrow and soon he would King, not of only Faerghus or the Alliance but all of Fódlan. And for herself, she would assume her official position as Archbishop of the Church. It was a lot to take in for the both of them. Over the days after the war, she had wavered between asking and keeping silent many times, the ring in her pocket feeling heavy and light by turns. There were many reasons for him to refuse. They had never discussed it, after all. Being lovers was one thing, but marriage was entirely another: it was to stand with him for all the world to see them as they were; to spend the rest of her life with him; to be bound together as one, forever. And yet, it was exactly what she wanted. She was aware that there would be those who would use her position in the Church as an excuse to block any union, but after all that had happened and all they had been through, the world could afford them this. It _owed_ them that much. If he said yes, that is.

Byleth heard Dimitri’s step on the stairs. She felt her temperature rise, her skin flush, her hands grow clammy; all familiar sensations to her, though now prompted for a different reason. She turned to greet him with a smile. "Come now, my friend,” Dimitri said, a teasing tone in his voice, “You must stop staying up so late. Tomorrow is another early morning. Then again, I know that matters little. You cannot sleep, can you? Neither can I, of course." His expression grew serious. “I... I want you to know I am sorry for making you do so much when your battle wounds aren't even completely healed yet.”

“And what of yours?” She pointed out. She could still remember the moment Edelgard’s dagger had flown with perfect clarity, though she wished she could forget it and forget how close she had been to losing him at the end of it all. Dimitri shook his head.

“Do not worry about me... My shoulder has healed nicely. I still have some numbness in my hand, but it should not hinder me too much.” There was a pause, just a moment, but a comfortable one. As they spoke and Byleth listened to him confide in her once more, she felt herself beginning to relax. Even if he refused her proposal, it would not change how important they had been to each other’s lives. Whatever happened after this moment, they would work through it together, as they always had. “Well, Your Grace, things will be busy from now on,” he said at last, jovially. “Our first order of business is tomorrow's coronation. Once a professor and student... Now an archbishop and a king. How very far we have come.”

“We’re still the same,” she pointed out with a smile, and they were for the most part, though closer now to their true selves than ever before. Dimitri stepped forward, closing a measure of the distance between them.

“That is true. To me, you will always be the one who guided me so kindly. My ally through all. My beloved…” She waited for him to call her his beloved Professor, but instead he paused and in that pause, the meaning of his words changed entirely. Her pulse quickened as a seed of hope began to bloom in her chest. "Yes… my beloved,” he said again, this time with more confidence.

“Dimitri…” He was looking at her so gently, full of tenderness and adoration. How had she never known before? That the look on his face was called _Love_?

“Listen... There is something I wish to give you before the coronation. Give me your hand.” From his pocket he drew a ring and, after a moment of hesitation, he placed it on her finger. The emerald ring shone in the light as it rested on her finger, a perfect fit. At first, she could only stare at it in wonderment, so surprised she could not even speak. She had perhaps paused too long that Dimitri took her stunned silence for disquiet. “Please... I beg of you. Say something!” he implored her. “If you do not wish to accept it, please just tell me. If so, I will face the truth and walk away.” Byleth shook her head.

“That's not it at all.” She could not contain the smile from her face, happiness erasing all her worries and doubt. From her own pocket, she drew her mother’s ring and offered it to him in return, her heart so full to bursting.

“What is this?”

"I love you, Dimitri," she said, finally expressing the words she had been carrying for so long. "Marry me." The dawning comprehension on his face was beautiful to see, a mixture of pure relief and joy. Mesmerizing. It seemed she had surprised him just as much in return. _A pair of fools, the both of you,_ said the voice inside her head, and she was inclined to agree.

“Yes, I see. Right. In that case, let us exchange them, shall we?” Byleth placed the ring upon his finger, and for a moment they simply stood together in silence, hands clasped in the fading light. "Your hands... Now that I hold them within my own, I see how small and fragile they are. These hands that have saved me countless times…” Dimitri drew her closer, pressing his lips to the hand he held within his own. “Thank you, my beloved. Your kind, warm hands... May they cling to my own forevermore…”

“Yes, forever,” she promised, and then more softly, “my love.” The endearment felt foreign to her but upon seeing Dimitri’s face brighten as if lit from within, she wanted to call him nothing else for the rest of their days. The sunset was fading now into twilight, but even so, she did not want to leave. His arms were around her, wrapping them both warmly in his cloak as they watched the stars twinkle into existence above them. She wanted to stay and talk with him, to learn him anew, not as friends or lovers, but as betrothed.

“When did you know?” She asked, curious to know how long he had been thinking of her as his beloved. Though she hadn’t recognised it at the time, she remembered that look of love on his face from before, though that was months ago and surely…

Dimitri huffed a laugh. “For a long time. Even before all of this began between us,” he admitted with a hint of self-deprecation. Byleth could not contain her surprise.

“Even before?” Her thoughts were racing. “Then even at the beginning, when I said I wanted you…”

“Yes,” he said. Seeing her distraught face, he sighed. “I should have said something, but I was a coward. I told myself it would be enough to be your lover. That I would not ask for more.” 

“Then I must have hurt you, at times,” she pointed out. It made her feel guilty to think of how callous she must have been. She could not have known, and yet…

His arms tightened around her. “Byleth, no. You made me happy. Happier than I thought possible in the midst of that miserable war,” Dimitri told her with vehemence. “Honestly, the fact that you love me is more than I deserve, but I promise… I will be worthy of you. I swear it.” There was still a shadow in his eyes, but Byleth knew it was not in her power to dispel it. Even so, perhaps it was in her power to move it a little.

“You give yourself too little credit,” she admonished gently. “You have guided me all this way, too. With your hands and your heart.”

“What do you mean?”

“Before coming to Garreg Mach, I did not laugh or cry. In a way, I did not know what love was until I met you.” She touched a hand to his face, beloved and dear. “ _You_ helped me find that,” she told him, sincerely.

“To think that I could teach you such a thing…” There was a smile on his face and in his voice. “Well, after having learned so much from you over the years, I am grateful to have partially returned the favour.” The moon was rising now, casting the Goddess Tower in its cool light. Byleth sighed and settled against Dimitri a fraction further, resting her head against his chest. “Are you tired, Byleth? We can retire if you wish,” he suggested gently, his voice reverberating from his chest to her ear.

“Let’s stay just a little longer, my love,” she murmured, altogether too warm and content to move.

“There’s no rush, my beloved.” Dimitri pressed a soft kiss to her hair. “We have all the time in the world.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It took a little longer than expected to complete this last chapter, but hopefully this brings the story to a satisfying emotional conclusion!
> 
> I'm still in love with this pairing so I hope I can write more stories for them in future. It wasn't in my original plans, but a Dimitri POV of this story _may_ be in the works...
> 
> Thank you if you have been following this story from the beginning - every comment and kudos has brought me a lot of encouragement and joy. I am always happy to hear from readers so please keeping sharing your thoughts with me! ♥


End file.
